2008 Woodie Awards
'Independent' Insights
Issue date: 8/27/03 Section: Insights
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Uncle Jesse was the hot one
Rolling Stone, a once reputable music magazine, took a turn for the worst this week when it put former "Full House" munchkins Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen on its cover. This marks the first time that Rolling Stone has hyped a pair of fake, bronzed twins on its cover since Britney Spears was featured on an October 2002 issue.
The French, always good for a laugh
Over the past century the French have been defeated by the Germans (twice), remained ineffective at preventing the U.S. from invading Iraq, and most recently surrendered to a heat wave this summer. When asked about these displays of ineptitude a fictitious Frenchman responded, "What do you expect? We're French."
FOX...they'll never have any credibility
A federal judge threw out FOX News' lawsuit against pundit Al Franken, decrying the suit as "wholly without merit" and "seeking to undermine the First Amendment." FOX, the most watched of the cable news networks, was suing Franken for using the phrase "fair and balanced" in the title of his new book, claiming that the title would mislead readers into thinking it was a product of the network, which copyrighted the words back in 1998. On a side note, FOX originally chose the words "fair and balanced" because the words "sensationalized and quasi-factual" were already taken.
He didn't do the right thing
In other legal news, media giant Viacom and film producer Spike Lee have come to a joint settlement ending the suit initiated by Lee that sought to prevent Viacom from naming one of its cable networks "Spike TV." Lee asserted that the network, advertising itself as the "First Network for Men," was trying to capitalize upon his name. In other news, the Tool Industry of America and rapper MC Hammer have reached a settlement in a similar suit in which the "Behind the Music" alumnus claimed that the construction industry was trying to capitalize upon his name to describe those things that shove in nails.
Would you like flies with that?
A Sacramento couple is suing McDonald's after the two found wriggling maggots in their Sausage McMuffins. One official from the fast food giant was quoted as saying, "We're as shocked as everyone - it was my understanding that nothing in our sandwiches was ever alive at any point."
The power of Christ compels you
An eight-year-old autistic boy died during an exorcism meant to "heal" him of the evil spirits within. The pastor of the Church, which, incidentally is located in a strip-mall in Wisconsin and currently has a congregation of six families, is now facing child abuse charges. We haven't seen the movie in awhile, but we're pretty sure that they got the ending wrong - isn't it the priest who dies?
Punch up at a wedding
In Coruna, Mich., a wedding guest bit off the finger of another guest, smashed the face of a nine-year-old boy into the wedding cake and punched out an old woman. Witnesses called the incident a scene of alcohol-fueled destruction and mayhem. The rugby team calls it a typical Tuesday night.
Why the Japanese dominate the gaming industry
Satoru Iwata, the reigning president of Nintendo, recently announced that work has commenced on the company's next major platform title, a sequel to the Mario mascot's latest adventure in Mario Sunshine. One can only wonder what Nintendo has in mind next for our little pasta-eating friend, and the Italian people's greatest fictitious champion since Rocky Balboa. In other news, Nintendo's stock indicates its sales figures for the European market, especially in Italy, have only escalated in recent weeks. This comes as no surprise to Japanese game designers, who have been telling Italians, in one way or another, that their lives will consist of smashing bricks and eating 'shrooms.
All that tuition money ain't for nothing
The Leo O'Donovan dining hall opened for business last week. New building, same food. Suck it up.
Easy targets are funny
"Bennifer's" recent cinematic gem Gigli failed to wow audiences this summer despite Ben and Jen's obvious wealth and aesthetic appeal. One executive close to the project admitted his disappointment: "I guess it's that old Hollywood saying, 'You know a movie's bad when its total box office revenue can't even pay for its star's annual ass insurance.' "
Rolling Stone, a once reputable music magazine, took a turn for the worst this week when it put former "Full House" munchkins Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen on its cover. This marks the first time that Rolling Stone has hyped a pair of fake, bronzed twins on its cover since Britney Spears was featured on an October 2002 issue.
The French, always good for a laugh
Over the past century the French have been defeated by the Germans (twice), remained ineffective at preventing the U.S. from invading Iraq, and most recently surrendered to a heat wave this summer. When asked about these displays of ineptitude a fictitious Frenchman responded, "What do you expect? We're French."
FOX...they'll never have any credibility
A federal judge threw out FOX News' lawsuit against pundit Al Franken, decrying the suit as "wholly without merit" and "seeking to undermine the First Amendment." FOX, the most watched of the cable news networks, was suing Franken for using the phrase "fair and balanced" in the title of his new book, claiming that the title would mislead readers into thinking it was a product of the network, which copyrighted the words back in 1998. On a side note, FOX originally chose the words "fair and balanced" because the words "sensationalized and quasi-factual" were already taken.
He didn't do the right thing
In other legal news, media giant Viacom and film producer Spike Lee have come to a joint settlement ending the suit initiated by Lee that sought to prevent Viacom from naming one of its cable networks "Spike TV." Lee asserted that the network, advertising itself as the "First Network for Men," was trying to capitalize upon his name. In other news, the Tool Industry of America and rapper MC Hammer have reached a settlement in a similar suit in which the "Behind the Music" alumnus claimed that the construction industry was trying to capitalize upon his name to describe those things that shove in nails.
Would you like flies with that?
A Sacramento couple is suing McDonald's after the two found wriggling maggots in their Sausage McMuffins. One official from the fast food giant was quoted as saying, "We're as shocked as everyone - it was my understanding that nothing in our sandwiches was ever alive at any point."
The power of Christ compels you
An eight-year-old autistic boy died during an exorcism meant to "heal" him of the evil spirits within. The pastor of the Church, which, incidentally is located in a strip-mall in Wisconsin and currently has a congregation of six families, is now facing child abuse charges. We haven't seen the movie in awhile, but we're pretty sure that they got the ending wrong - isn't it the priest who dies?
Punch up at a wedding
In Coruna, Mich., a wedding guest bit off the finger of another guest, smashed the face of a nine-year-old boy into the wedding cake and punched out an old woman. Witnesses called the incident a scene of alcohol-fueled destruction and mayhem. The rugby team calls it a typical Tuesday night.
Why the Japanese dominate the gaming industry
Satoru Iwata, the reigning president of Nintendo, recently announced that work has commenced on the company's next major platform title, a sequel to the Mario mascot's latest adventure in Mario Sunshine. One can only wonder what Nintendo has in mind next for our little pasta-eating friend, and the Italian people's greatest fictitious champion since Rocky Balboa. In other news, Nintendo's stock indicates its sales figures for the European market, especially in Italy, have only escalated in recent weeks. This comes as no surprise to Japanese game designers, who have been telling Italians, in one way or another, that their lives will consist of smashing bricks and eating 'shrooms.
All that tuition money ain't for nothing
The Leo O'Donovan dining hall opened for business last week. New building, same food. Suck it up.
Easy targets are funny
"Bennifer's" recent cinematic gem Gigli failed to wow audiences this summer despite Ben and Jen's obvious wealth and aesthetic appeal. One executive close to the project admitted his disappointment: "I guess it's that old Hollywood saying, 'You know a movie's bad when its total box office revenue can't even pay for its star's annual ass insurance.' "