2008 Woodie Awards
Insights
Issue date: 2/12/03 Section: Insights
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Will they still have naked chicks in their ads?
Wacko animal rights activists have apparently done more harm than good to their cause. According to the New York Times, the absence of trappers in the Canadian wilderness has harmed local animal populations. The trappers were the best narcs on the wrongdoings of logging companies and other environmental dangers. Additionally, the trappers kept down the wolf population, which is now threatening local caribou and buffalo. Many ex-trappers have also been forced to join the big bad oil companies. President Bush, who really controls Canada anyway, has decided to reverse this situation by placing Charlton Heston on the endangered species list. Heston was unavailable for comment, but the sound of machine gun fire echoing through the mist indicates that he’s pleased with the decision.
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He can join the IRC
A Tennessee high school senior is suing his school for not receiving an A+. Brian Delekta received a measly A for a work-experience class. He worked as a paralegal at his mother’s law firm (gee, we’re sure his recommendation was not biased). The student is demanding that he receive an A+ and that class rankings be blocked until the grade is changed. Dragging out a tedious legal battle to get a slightly better grade? Sounds like he’d fit right in with the other whiny SFSers.
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Brits are funny ... and have bad teeth
A British man is asking the South African government to let him be devoured by sharks. Robert Blackwood wants his body to be fed to the assassins of the seas after he drops dead. Most shark experts agree that he is more likely to be devoured by crayfish than sharks. Unfortunately, Jackass beat Blackwood to the punch by having one of their stuntmen strap dead fish to himself and go swimming in shark-infested water. It’s nice to see that an MTV show has risen from total crap to reality TV. Oh wait.
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Like telemarketers who are even dumber
Wacko animal rights activists have apparently done more harm than good to their cause. According to the New York Times, the absence of trappers in the Canadian wilderness has harmed local animal populations. The trappers were the best narcs on the wrongdoings of logging companies and other environmental dangers. Additionally, the trappers kept down the wolf population, which is now threatening local caribou and buffalo. Many ex-trappers have also been forced to join the big bad oil companies. President Bush, who really controls Canada anyway, has decided to reverse this situation by placing Charlton Heston on the endangered species list. Heston was unavailable for comment, but the sound of machine gun fire echoing through the mist indicates that he’s pleased with the decision.
q q q
He can join the IRC
A Tennessee high school senior is suing his school for not receiving an A+. Brian Delekta received a measly A for a work-experience class. He worked as a paralegal at his mother’s law firm (gee, we’re sure his recommendation was not biased). The student is demanding that he receive an A+ and that class rankings be blocked until the grade is changed. Dragging out a tedious legal battle to get a slightly better grade? Sounds like he’d fit right in with the other whiny SFSers.
q q q
Brits are funny ... and have bad teeth
A British man is asking the South African government to let him be devoured by sharks. Robert Blackwood wants his body to be fed to the assassins of the seas after he drops dead. Most shark experts agree that he is more likely to be devoured by crayfish than sharks. Unfortunately, Jackass beat Blackwood to the punch by having one of their stuntmen strap dead fish to himself and go swimming in shark-infested water. It’s nice to see that an MTV show has risen from total crap to reality TV. Oh wait.
q q q
Like telemarketers who are even dumber