2008 Woodie Awards
Point-Counterpoint: Valentine's Day
Proof that God hates us
Glenn Galloway
Issue date: 2/12/03 Section: Commentary
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Valentine’s Day is considered to be a happy event for romance and expressing intimate feelings with a loved one. Wine, flowers, chocolates and affection flow freely like a warm breeze in a cold winter. Verily, nothing warms the heart like the sight of two people cloaked in the joy of true love.
I hate you I hate you I hate you.
It seems to me that every year people get all excited/scared about the approaching “holiday” for no good reason. It is time to rid ourselves of this burden. Valentine’s Day is unnecessary.
Many of you will say that I am just a lonely, bitter man who lashes out at Valentine’s Day because no woman in her right mind would ever go out with me unless threatened with death and even then might swallow the cyanide capsule. I don’t deny that year after year of receiving a dishearteningly meager amount of cards in grade school Valentine’s Day celebrations has left me somewhat jaded. But that doesn’t mean I’m wrong.
Valentine’s Day is a banal exchange of gifts and physical affection. Any chance of romance is beaten out by the damning ritual of it all. In many respects, it is no different from a barter economy. Men and women stand in lines like battle-weary soldiers to buy gifts for their significant others. This is not done out of love, but for the sake of obligation.
Women get a material benefit from Valentine’s Day. The material benefit isn’t so much economic as emotional. The various trinkets, cards and gifts serve as psychological pacifiers. In essence, they are trophies to be collected and envied by one’s friends.
Men are interested in more corporeal rewards. Just about every man treats Valentine’s Day as a chance to score some major points in the quest to get nookie. Honestly, men buy gifts on this day because it is necessary for any sort of reward. How effective would it be to tell one’s girlfriend, “Honey, I cherish this day because I’m fairly certain that you’re wearing skimpy lingerie today. Can I see you naked already or what?” Sometimes self-preservation trumps honesty.
I hate you I hate you I hate you.
It seems to me that every year people get all excited/scared about the approaching “holiday” for no good reason. It is time to rid ourselves of this burden. Valentine’s Day is unnecessary.
Many of you will say that I am just a lonely, bitter man who lashes out at Valentine’s Day because no woman in her right mind would ever go out with me unless threatened with death and even then might swallow the cyanide capsule. I don’t deny that year after year of receiving a dishearteningly meager amount of cards in grade school Valentine’s Day celebrations has left me somewhat jaded. But that doesn’t mean I’m wrong.
Valentine’s Day is a banal exchange of gifts and physical affection. Any chance of romance is beaten out by the damning ritual of it all. In many respects, it is no different from a barter economy. Men and women stand in lines like battle-weary soldiers to buy gifts for their significant others. This is not done out of love, but for the sake of obligation.
Women get a material benefit from Valentine’s Day. The material benefit isn’t so much economic as emotional. The various trinkets, cards and gifts serve as psychological pacifiers. In essence, they are trophies to be collected and envied by one’s friends.
Men are interested in more corporeal rewards. Just about every man treats Valentine’s Day as a chance to score some major points in the quest to get nookie. Honestly, men buy gifts on this day because it is necessary for any sort of reward. How effective would it be to tell one’s girlfriend, “Honey, I cherish this day because I’m fairly certain that you’re wearing skimpy lingerie today. Can I see you naked already or what?” Sometimes self-preservation trumps honesty.