Counterpoint: God, I hate techno

I'm generally pretty tolerant….NOT. Okay, so I'm opinionated, but I've always assumed its okay to be opinionated when you are right. When I decide I hate something, I hate, and I hate it for good reasons. One of the highest ranking offenses on my list of hatred is techno music. Call it by any name you will: modern, European, dance…but it still sucks. Hard. There are absolutely no circumstances under which I could even moderately enjoy the synthesizers that Greg calls music.

Greg's major argument for the continued existence and appreciation of techno is that it is dance music. Now, let me tell you, I'm by no means a clubber, but I've been to my fair share of clubs in the US of A, Russia and Ireland. I consider that a pretty solid mix, and in each and every one of these situations, the best music has been rap. Granted, this type of music isn't really found on my iPod, but in this situation I can appreciate it. A popular rap song which everyone knows the lyrics to is awesome, but crazy house beats do not do it. It is creepy; people flail their arm; no one wants to be involved.

Greg also argues that techno, or dance, as he calls it is great for getting "pumped up." I find this interesting, coming from girly man Greg who I doubt has ever hit another human being in his life. I, on the other hand play rugby, I hit girls for fun, and do I, or anyone else on my team listen to techno to get psyched up? No. Most definitely not. We'd probably kick them off for that kind of anti-American behavior. Our pump-up CDs range from Britney Spears to Ace of Base to Kanye West, but there is one thing in common with all the songs, we all know the lyrics, and we all love to sing along. Techno doesn't get you in a fierce mood, let alone a happy mood.

Greg says that he listens to techno when he's down. What else is he doing to get himself happy, taking e? When I'm down, I listen to something happy, yes like a musical. Maybe my dreams of the general population breaking into coordinated song and dance are not based in reality, but if that isn't a happy thought, what is? If you want to get happy, I can recommend a whole lot of music for you, and I can gurantee you that techno will not appear on the list. Maybe some musicals, maybe some bubble gum pop, and maybe some golden oldies. But definitely not techno. No way.

Why isn't techno happy? Perhaps because most of it completely lacks distinguishable lyrics. I love to sing along to music. It's fun, it makes it better dance music and most importantly, it connects you to the other people with whom you are listening. If you can honestly say that you don't love to sing along to the radio with your friends while driving, well, don't ever talk to me. Singing along is one of the things that makes music so fun, so any type of music, cough techno, cough, that doesn't allow for that, is to me, useless.

Not to mention the fact that I am unaware of how a person can even tell what techno song they are listening too. Greg says it doesn't all sound the same; well, Greg is wrong. The only techno music that sounds relatively different is that which is blatantly stolen from songs of the past. And, let's be honest, why listen to a remix of a great eighties tune when you can listen to the real thing. Other than those songs blatantly stolen, techno music completely lacks originality. You might as well get out your synthesizer and hit the same seven notes over and over again. At least you'll feel creative.

At the end of the day, I can deal with any type of music except for techno because it really isn't music. It's stolen music or copied music, it's unoriginal, it's obnoxious, and it's euro-trashy. Hmm, reminds me a lot of Greg.