Smoke less (but drink more if you must)

Much is made of the ironic life of the college student. While we necessarily possess uncommon intelligence and aptitude, we are also remarkably prone to make exceedingly ill-informed decisions and to participate in reckless, often destructive behavior. We devote a seemingly immeasurable amount of time and effort to our academic pursuits with a brand of passion matched only by our desire to unwind by over-indulging in alcohol, pizza and the like. These activities reside on opposing poles of the spectrum of quality decisions, yet they are routinely performed by sensible beings with a disregard for logic only a college student can appreciate or understand. Smoking cigarettes also happens to fit neatly into this paradigm.

When the end goal of an evening is to, among other things, alter one's state of mind, a cigarette or two or eighteen seems a natural choice. The buzz provided by the nicotine entering the bloodstream is, to many, a welcome complement to the alcohol already there. However, a parallel between these two should not be drawn, as one does not exist. This is not an instance of 'pick your poison' in which all options are equally destructive. While alcohol indeed destroys brain cells, causes undue liver stress, and can, obviously, lead to further, um, unwise decisions, it is most often a poison that can be successfully abandoned once the days of Village A rooftops, the Tombs, and Wagner's are nothing but memories.

Routinely smoking cigarettes as a college student, however, is akin to signing a contract with the cancer devil that will ultimately be cashed in against decades of your life. If ever there were a slippery slope, tobacco consumption is it. Smoking just four cigarettes a day leads to a ninety percent chance of becoming addicted. Social smoking turns into smoking alone outside the library turns into buying a carton or two a week before you can say, "Joe Cool." Then you're likely stuck with a lifetime habit that is not only unhygienic and unattractive, but also life-threatening. Talk about playing with fire. You will rue the day, as a forty year old embarrassment to your family, that you thought holding a burning cancer stick was a good idea.

So, the next time you feel like stepping outside for a quick cigarette, ask yourself if you want to be lurking in the parking lot at your kid's little league games, ashamed to smoke in plain sight of the other parents because, odds are good that if you smoke now, you'll still be addicted in a couple of decades. The days of smoking to look cool are over, as are those of stealing beer out of your parents' fridge; this is for real now. As you strive to form your identity and uncover your future self, decide whether or not you really want that cowboy or camel guy hanging out with you.

In our profoundly unscientific opinion, when then opportunity presents itself, we recommend that you ditch the cigarette and have another beer instead - hell, have two. If you really need the flame, light your shot of 151, and leave the smoking to, oh, I don't know, the French.